


Asking the Hard Questions

by Hermes_and_Whiskey



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Introspection, Light Angst, Ryder and SAM are bros, Ryder/peebee if you squint, former relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermes_and_Whiskey/pseuds/Hermes_and_Whiskey
Summary: Ryder contemplates her decision on choosing between evils. SAM is there to offer support... and a little snark. Takes place shortly after the events of the Collective/Outcast showdown for Kadara port.





	Asking the Hard Questions

_ For What It’s Worth… _

_ To: Ryder _

_ From: Reyes Vidal _

_ You’re one hell of a woman. _

_ Goodbye, Ryder. _

_ Reyes _

This had to have been the hundredth time Ryder read those words in silent contemplation. “ _For what it’s worth…”_ Sara could almost laugh at the absurdity of the phrase. The suggestion of Reyes’ words having any weight after what the rogue put her through back on Kadara didn’t mean much.   _Not anymore, anyway._

Ryder sighed and rubbed at her aching eyes as she sat hunched over her datapad, her boots carelessly discarded on the hardwood floor of her cabin on the Tempest. She had yet to remove the undergarments of her armor; the sulfuric pungency of Kadara clung to the Pathfinder’s suit in unsettling familiarity. The usually dexterous cloth felt tight on her in all the wrong places and constricted her when it should have brought comfort. Now all she could smell were reminders of that damned planet, that damned cave, that damned… man.

_           Damnit _ .

          The Pathfinder was never one to trust explicitly, but she found herself intrigued by the idea of the man of riddles and mystery. Reyes Vidal was a smooth talker for sure, that helped to earn her trust. He was practical and charming and seemingly kind to the more unfortunate exiles under the heel of the Outcasts. Clever too, in a way that tugged at Sara’s curiosity _. Too clever to be only an informant, and too driven to be just a smuggler._ _I should’ve known_ _better, of course._

          Ryder reached across the lounge sofa towards her small stash of liquor on the small end table, plucking the thick cork from the stem of a burgundy bottle before pouring a healthy dose of brown liquid into the glass beside it. She let the drizzle of the liquid distract her anguish long enough to remember the first time Ryder found herself drawn to Reyes’ suave ways, back when they were tracking the Roekaar. Vidal was the first in a long while to pique Ryder’s attention beyond general interest. He fed into her mission goals, aided her in securing the badlands of Kadara and brought out in her the opportunity to ponder something she never really knew she wanted until it was propositioned: a chance at romance. A fleeting, casual romance perhaps, the life of a Pathfinder was never one that included easy settling, but damn it all if she hadn’t caught herself thinking of it more than once. As their partnership continued, she found herself flirting with the smuggler in her guarded manner, pushing to keep an air of professionalism between their savory banter right up to their kiss in Sloane’s storage room.

          Ryder rarely thought about men in a romantic sense, but she thought about Reyes. He brought out the unusual in her, but perhaps that’s a side effect of his charm. It blindsided the Pathfinder unfavorably, yet she hadn’t noticed as he held her hand and led her right through his web of lies.

* * *

 

          No one beside Sloane and the Pathfinder crew knew about the specifics of the Charlatan’s demand: to meet at the specified location in Draullir for a showdown between the opposing leaders of a vicious turf war, a final grab for Kadara port. The Outcast leader asking Ryder to be her backup was something out of left field, but with the hope for a new outpost on the line, she reluctantly accepted _.  _ When, of all people, Reyes Vidal was the one to step from the shadows of the cave to meet Sloane, It took the Pathfinder by surprise.  _ Maybe he’s working for the Collectors after all _ . Ryder shook the idea from her head. The importance of this showdown wouldn’t warrant a smuggler’s intervention. Reyes had to be here for a reason greater than that.

          The Outcast leader chuffed at the site of Reyes, “I’m here for the Charlatan, not some third-rate smuggler.” Sloane, ever the brute, was slow to put two and two together. But when Sara’s eyes met the wild ones of Reyes, the calculation and ruthlessness buried under those steady hazel orbs, the clues locked together like gears in clockwork. If the Pathfinder wasn’t so used to the unexpected by now, the realization would have stolen her breath away.

          “They’re one and the same.”  _ He’s been lying to me. For how long?  _ Ryder choked down her sudden ache, hardened her eyes, and shot the Charlatan with an icy stare. “The Angaran spy, your interest in the Roekaar murders. Everything you’ve done has been to undermine Sloane’s power.” _ Fuck. _

“Death by a Thousand cuts.” Reyes’ smirk gave Ryder more information than a hundred of his whispers ever could. She saw the hunger, the need for control, the snake coiling in Reyes’ eyes, ready to strike, at her or Sloane, she couldn’t be sure.

* * *

 

          Ryder took another hefty sip of her drink. She sloshed the amber liquid in her mouth before giving into the hard swallow and growing warmth as it slid down her throat _. And when it came down to it, it was either him or Sloane. I couldn’t hesitate, no matter how difficult Sloane will be. It’s either the thug or the master manipulator, and there’s no playing fair when it comes to Reyes, right?  _ She let out a huff of air and stared at the near bottom of her glass. _ I took a bullet for a dictator. Almost literally. Can’t wait for that to bite me in the ass. _

          Her fingers ghosted over the digital lines of Reyes’ last email to her. Retracing each letter making up ‘goodbye.’ Ryder’s said goodbye too many times before, made hard choices that she knew would mean an end. An absolute. She took another swig of her drink this time, much less tentatively. Delicate fingers turned into a hardened hand as she slammed her now empty cup too heavily back onto the end table. The tingle of awakening biotics coursed through the Pathfinder’s fingers, sparking down her arm and humming through her amp, serving as a reaction to her growing anger.

          Her AI’s perfectly articulated voice crackled to life in the Pathfinder’s head, “Sara, I’ve detected a sudden spike in your blood pressure. Is there something that I may assist you with?”

          The sound of SAM’s voice through their private connection was enough for Ryder to come to her senses, soothing her rage as quickly as it had come. It was a skill inherited from her father.

          “No SAM, I’m ok. Thoughts just got the better of me.” She ran her hand through her knotted hair and willed the diminishing remains of her biotics back into whatever emotional cesspool she pulled them from. She hated to have anyone see her like this, but luckily SAM wasn’t just anyone.  “I’ll cool down in a second or two.”

          “Very well Pathfinder…” Sara could practically hear SAM’s processing capabilities firing off in quick succession before his voice rang out again. “A question, if I may?”

          “Go ahead.”

          “The choices you have made back on Kadara Port insure the successful foundation of an Initiative Outpost. Yet, throughout the past weeks I have detected a growing sense of despondency in response to these new developments. Your emotional status has been in flux since the confrontation Between Sloane Kelly and Mr. Vidal, even more so since Mr. Vidal last contacted you via email.”

          Ryder could feel the heat of anger just below her neck, blooming across her shoulder blades at the mention of Vidal. “What’s the question, SAM?”

          “Do you feel regret for having stepped in to save Ms. Kelly, ergo insuring the continued success of the Outcasts and dismantling Reyes from a potential position of power?” Straight to the point, as customary for the AI.

          “So, do I feel bad for not letting Reyes’ cronies put a bullet through Sloane’s skull?”

          “Yes, Pathfinder.”

          She paused. The bottle of rum rested gingerly in one hand, her other hand atop the glass she sought to refill. Her fingers curled tightly around the brim of the cup, but she made no move to begin pouring. She chanced a look at the datapad lying on the end table. It was still on full display, bright orange text of Reyes’ email burning into the Pathfinder’s retinas like raw Eezo.  _ Do I feel bad about it? _ The right answer, the ‘Pathfinder’ answer, Sara surmised, was a resounding ‘No’. But she knew better than to lie to SAM. “Yes? No… I-It’s complicated.”

          “It appears you and Mr. Vidal had a complicated relationship.”

          “We did, er-  _ do _ , I suppose.” Sara glanced out her cabin window, taking in the countless stars as the Tempest floated just outside the Govorkam system, away from Kadara.  “Reyes is a complicated man. And between you and me, Sloane’s a real piece of work. But I saw what the Collective has done. Torture, and murder… and…”

          “Evidence suggests that Ms. Kelly’s Outcasts have also been partaking in illegal and morally questionable activities, Pathfinder.”

           “Always asking the hard questions SAM.”

           “I believe that was a statement, not a question.”

           Sara rolled her eyes at SAM’s matter-of-factness. She stood, leaving the datapad and drink as she moved closer to the window. Her eyes trained on a cluster of stars in the far distance while she crafted a careful response.

           “What would you think if you knew someone beside you had a target on their backs and they would die unless you stepped in to save them?”

          “I would think many things, Pathfinder. The parameters of my physical capabilities, the urgency of a mission objective assuming there was one to be had, the probability of death of the intended recipient and myself if I either interfered or- “

          “Would you think of the morality of it? Of them?”

          “Specifications are required to better understand the question.”

           Sara shifted her weight from one foot to another, her arms crossed, fingers drumming rhythmically along her bicep as she gazed into the blues and blacks of the Andromeda.

           “It’s… tough to explain. But I think you said it best about Sloane and her group. Most people that I’ve known are morally grey, I guess. We’ve all done good things and bad things in our lives. Made mistakes and tried to make up for them. Sloane betrayed the Initiative and left during the uprising with other exiles to find a better start. But… Kadara doesn’t exactly look like a better start to me. People here are desperate. Sloane’s rise to power paved the way for smugglers and killers and drug pushers… some serious shit that I wasn’t expecting when I came here.” Ryder’s fingernails had begun to dig small crescents into the skin of her arm. “She’s not a good person SAM. She’s barely a tolerable person and when we were in that cave with Reyes, and you saw that sniper, I thought… I thought, ‘well, maybe it would be better if Sloane’s dead.” Her gaze dropped to her feet. “Maybe I can stop being a hero, just for a moment, for the good of Kadara.”

           “And, perhaps for the benefit of Reyes, Sara?”

            SAM’s inquiry was like a stab to the gut. Right to the heart of the matter. Most days, Ryder liked that about the AI. Now, however, his question made her feel as though she was looking down the barrel of a loaded gun, where admitting a certain truth would be like pulling the trigger on herself. _But fuck,_ _I can’t lie_ , she thought, _not to myself,_ _certainly not to SAM_.

          “Yeah SAM, maybe for the benefit of Reyes. It crossed my mind and maybe that’s what bothers me the most. I know the Collective because I’ve seen the shit they’ve pulled on Kadara; under that façade of ‘community’ and ‘lifting up the little people’ was some pretty disturbing stuff. But god damn it if that man didn’t have me wrapped around his fingers so tight. He seemed to really get the bigger picture in that casual way of his. He wanted to do good, but he just had a funny way of trying to make the world better.”

           “His method of operation was funny, Ryder?”

          “Not funny in a “ha ha” way. It was more like, he was so secretive, even for a smuggler. I feel like I lost my way, got caught in his webbing because of it. But I think, if he’d made a moment to explain himself, if I’d given him that second to justify everything that I’ve seen, maybe things would’ve ended… different.”

          SAM’s chatter in the Pathfinder’s head dimmed, as if he was deliberating her words before rebuttal. Ryder focused on the Tempest’s engine humming through her quarters. The low frequency was a comfort to Sara on days when her mind ceaselessly buzzed with hypotheticals and dreary thoughts.  SAM’s voice cut through the air like a hot knife, “Given what you knew, Sara, your ultimate decision was to save Sloane Kelly from certain death, jeopardizing your life and effectively ending the partnership between you and Mr. Vidal. If I may speak out of protocol…”

          “Of course, SAM.”

          “Although you doubt yourself in the face of temptation, you did not lose sight of your role as a Pathfinder. To sacrifice one’s own security for the greater good is a choice one cannot make easily, but you showed no hesitation in making a decision that had no foreseeable repercussions, positive or negative as they may be. This is often a key role of a Pathfinder. Your final act was not to the benefit of Reyes, despite your reservations of his supposed influence over you.”

          “But my decision benefits Sloane and the Outcasts. So now I ask myself, how many convicted killers and drug lords did I let slip through my fingers because I saved her? Sure, the Initiative can begin a settlement here, but they’ll always be under the thumb of a loose cannon.” Ryder turned from the window, glancing back at the discarded datapad. She leaned her back against the window-side railing with a huff, “And if I had let the Charlatan take over operations on Kadara, would it have been better? Different? Would  _ we _ have been different?”

          “’We,’ Pathfinder?”

          “Me and Reyes. Our relationship wasn’t exactly platonic y’know.”

          “I am aware.”

          There was a lull in the conversation. SAM had anticipated the Pathfinder taking time to dissect her thoughts. Ryder steeled herself to ask her synthetic confidant a question that had been burning in the back of her mind since Vidal’s final email.

          “Do you think he actually cared about me SAM?”

          “That is a question that I cannot answer with one hundred percent certainty. However, given Mr. Vidal’s efforts to reach out to you after the events of Kadara, I would suspect it to be likely."

          Sara sighed, pulling roughly at the roots of her hair and ruffling it free from the binding of her hairband. Strands fell haphazardly around the curve of her neck and she breathed deeply. She’d begun to realize the weight that’s been on her chest for the past two weeks. “He hid so much from me. The Collective, the torture chambers, the jail cells, god only knows what else. And not to mention the fact that he was the fucking Charlatan, of all people... I should’ve known better. As a Pathfinder, shouldn’t it be my duty to know what to do, no matter how blurry the lines get? Between Reyes and Sloane, was there even a right choice? I don’t know. I…I don’t think I’ll ever know and that’s what gets me.”

          “Reassessment of vital decisions are a natural part of what creates a better analytical mindset. But to doubt yourself this deeply seems counterproductive in preparing for the future, Sara. It should also be noted that judgement should not always be based on the thoughts of an individual, but rather the actions one takes.”  SAM paused, as if he were taking a breath, “You did what you felt you must for the betterment of the Initiative and the exiles. Whatever repercussions that may come from now on will be determined and dealt with accordingly. The strength and time to overcome these complications is all that one can ask for.”

          Sara turned her gaze toward the ceiling, her hands returning to grip the railing behind her, “That… sounds awfully familiar.”

          “It was a lesson taught to me by your father. Alec had dealt with many a precarious situation, often involved in conflicts where no solution was as clear cut as he hoped it to be. His quandaries were not unlike yours.”

          Ryder felt the weight in her chest lessen as she took SAM’s words, her father’s words, into consideration. SAM was right, she couldn’t predict the future, no one really could. But part of being a Pathfinder is using what you know to make the tough decisions.

_           Even if that means not being sure of the outcome _ .  _ Even if that means letting go of someone you thought you knew.  _ She shook her thoughts of Reyes.  _ What was done is done. He chose his path, and I’ve chosen mine. _

          “We just do the best with what we’re given, huh SAM?”

          “That is correct, Pathfinder.”

_           Damn _ ...

          She glanced back towards the end table where her datapad and drink sat, long forgotten. A smile ghosted its way across her lips. With a renewed vigor, Ryder hefted herself from the window railing and ambled towards her bathroom stall, undoing the fasteners of her undersuit as she went.

          “I’m gonna go clean up. I think it’s about time I got this stink off me. Tell the team I want to have a debrief in an hour please.”

          “Right away, and another request for you Pathfinder.”

          Ryder paused her fumbling with the buttons of her suit, “Yeah SAM?”

          “Peebee wishes for your assistance regarding what she refers to as, quote, ‘a Remnant thingy, at your leisure, but also sooner,’ end quote.”

          A snicker slipped from Ryder at the response. “Tell her I’ll be up to help her with her ‘Remnant thingy’ in twenty, tops. Oh, and SAM?”

          “Yes, Ryder?”

          Sara stopped just short of the doorway to her restroom. Her hand rested delicately on the frame of the sliding door. “I just…uh, well…I wanted to thank you.”

          “For what, Pathfinder?”

          She turned to face her empty room and smiled, “For asking the hard questions, SAM.”

 

 

          “Always, Pathfinder.”

**Author's Note:**

> The relationship between Ryder and SAM is a dynamic one that requires a lot of trust and so writing this took a turn into exploring their little moments of building communication and understanding. I'm a new writer, so if you got through it all, thanks for taking the time to read!


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